Tuesday, August 30, 2011


So pirates are definitely better than ninjas. In fact, I argue that they are way cooler. Frankly, the only cool ninjas I have ever seen are the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. And I only found them cool when I was 10. 

Pirates are mysterious, ambitious, and clever and some of them are super attractive (see: Johnny Depp).On the other hand, Ninjas are lame, wimpy, and uninspiring (see: 3 Ninjas). 

Pirate haters, otherwise known as ninja apologists, will argue that pirates are “evil and commit violent crimes.” But it is clear that pirates are only stealing gold and treasures from the other greedy people of the sea. In other words, pirates are making things fair and balanced.  

I can go on and on, but I think it is clear ninjas are better than pirates. 


Laura said...

Okay, so we may be the only ones at work of like minds on this...but PIRATES are sooooo much cooler! PIRATES live life with a sense of adventure... AND they spend their on the open sea, with a great tan, living the bliss of hopping from one gorgeous island to the next! Additionally, they have recklace romance, wear priceless bling and kick-a$$ boots! Besides, who wants to spend their life never showing their face and prowling the dark in black pajamas???

Paul Morrill said...

OK, time to shut this ridiculous idea down.

I will give you that pirates are perhaps more "fun" than ninjas, that they live an life of adventure and excitement, drinking rum and joyously singing songs while they sail the seven seas.

But 1 ninja could own 10 pirates without a moments hesitation.

The following comes from the website realultimatepower.net, the official ninja website of the internet.


1. Ninjas are mammals.
2. Ninjas fight ALL the time.
3. The purpose of the ninja is to flip out and kill people.


Ninjas can kill anyone they want! Ninjas cut off heads ALL the time and don't even think twice about it. These guys are so crazy and awesome that they flip out ALL the time. I heard that there was this ninja who was eating at a diner. And when some dude dropped a spoon the ninja killed the whole town. My friend Mark said that he saw a ninja totally uppercut some kid just because the kid opened a window.

These are TRUE testimonials about the power of ninjas.

Also, ninjas use throwing stars, the coolest weapon of all time. Pirates use smooth-bored pistols and muskets, the lamest weapons of all time.